Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion.  Thereforth in the land they will possess double!  Everlasting joy will be theirs. -Isaiah 61.7

 

 

For the scripture says, 'Whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame.' -Romans10:11

 

Carolemarie's Story

 Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a leper? You have heard about them in the bible, the lepers of ancient times were ostracized from society and largely forgotten.  They were treated as outcasts.  They were required to live outside the city in leper camps (Numbers 5:2-3) and were to cry out "unclean" to warn others to keep away from them as they walked the streets. (Lev 13: 45-46).

Being outside of the camp meant also that you were outside of the protection of society.  A life of a leper was a life of isolation, disgrace and shame.  It was a crushing weight to bear and you bore it alone.

We have lepers among us today.  Prostitutes, strippers, porn actresses, massage parlor workers.  Throw away people.  They are the least evangelized group in our society.  We don't want them in our churches or homes.  We don't know anything about their world and don't really want to....they are invisible people to most of us.......

I lived that life once.  It took the power of God to set me free.

I didn't grow up planning to be a whore.  That was not the dream that I had for my life.  Like everyone, I wanted to be loved  and I wanted to be accepted.  For some reason, I actually thought that if I was a virgin on my wedding day, I would be humiliated.  So I set out to make sure that I wasn't.  I slept with the first guy I could at a party. I didn't even know his name, but at least I wasn't a virgin anymore.  I look back now and think how insane that was!  And that is how it began... I believed a lie and acted on it and brought misery and pain on myself.

 I started working as a prostitute when I was 15.  I did it for kicks at first.  I spent the money on drugs and clothes.  It was easy and I sort of drifted into being a part-time call girl.  I thought of it as a form of free enterprise.  And during all this time, I was going to high school and getting A's and B's, but I had this secret nightlife.  I would say I was spending the night with a girlfriend or sneak out, then hit the club scene.

I was horrified to find out I was pregnant.  What would I tell my parents?  That I was sleeping with strangers for money?  I couldn't handle that, so I ran away to California where I got an abortion.  But the abortion broke my heart.  I told my baby how sorry I was and how I wished that it could be different, then laid on that table and had her killed.  I tried to block that memory out of my mind as best as I could and swore that I would never do it again. But I am faithless and my promises are worthless. I did it two more times and my heart was so cold and hard then that it didn't really matter anymore. 

My life continued to spin out of control.  By the time I was 21 I was living in NYC, had three abortions, two suicide attempts, two failed drug rehab programs, was living with a man who beat me, working as a stripper and making porn films.  Somebody once said that sin promotes, and it did.  I moved up from being a whore , to working as a stripper.  From there I was recruited into doing live sex shows and porn films. 

 I can't think of anyone less deserving of the grace of God than I was.  I didn't even believe in God! 

I hated my life and I hated myself!  I knew that I would die if something didn't change.  But I was powerless to help myself.  So at that point of desperation, I prayed to a God I didn't believe in.  "God, I prayed, If you are real, Help me, please help me" . Just saying those words made me cry.  I hadn't cried in years and it was like a dam broke in my heart.  I cried for the whole sorry mess and just kept saying I am so sorry.   There was no reason for God to care, much less to help me.  Yet that little prayer was enough for God to coming running to rescue me.  My life change almost instantly.  The next morning I got up and went to an uptown shooting gallery.  But I didn't get high.  Everyone else did, but I was perfectly straight.  And the desire was gone.  I never used drugs from that day on.  It was like a light switch had been flipped.  I was free of the drug addiction that had me in bondage for years.  I still don't know how it happen, but I got a job working in a Bronx insurance agency as a clerk.  And within a short period of time I was back home with my parents.  A brand new start. 

And I want you to see, that I never once promised to love Him or believe in Him or follow Him, He came to help me because He is kind. No other reason, no other agenda.

But there is a spiritual battle for our souls.  Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.  Satan hates us.  And his goal is to destroy our lives and send us to hell.  He didn't care if I went to hell as a prostitute or an unbeliever.  He only cared that I end up in hell.   So I was at a crossroads, just like the lepers in the story.  I could choose like the one leper, to acknowledge that God rescued me, and follow him, or I could continue on my way.  And only a fool would choose to walk back into darkness after tasting the goodness of God . Yet that is what I did!   I choose to belive that by my willpower and strength that I pulled myself out of the mess I was in.  And by that decision, I stole the glory that belonged to God and appropriated it for myself.  As an added bonus, I choose to believe that my bad decisions were the fault of men.  I could hate them for my choices.  I was so sick that hatred was more attractive to me than the love of God. 

I took that bait and walked away from the love of God.  Logically that should be the end of the story. I was ungrateful and determined to do things my way.  God should have given up and sent me to hell.  But He doesn't give up. Never. Not Ever!  No matter what you have done He still seeks you.  And He seeks you kindly, gently because He loves you.  He comes not with a club, but with love.  I could have taken another beating, but I was powerless against a love like that. 

It took 17 more years till I found Him, but all that time God sought me and blessed me, with a husband who always showed me the love and forgivness of God to me, even when I was unfaithful, even when I was spiteful, even when after 17 years of marriage he found out my past for the first time, he forgave me in the name of Jesus.  He loved me unconditionally and because of that  finally I came to know the One who loved me from the begining of time, who searched for me in the slime and pits I dug for myself. 

 I still am amazed by what He did to reach someone like me who was so not worth the effort, so sick and pathetic.  But He was willing to give everything to make me His child.

Here is the deal, He wants to do that for you as well, if you just ask....so

Ask!  just call out from your broken heart and He will answer you.

I promise you will never be sorry you did.

All my love,

Carolemarie

ex-xxx girl

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Here is a story about the way two different religious groups treated a woman who was like me...

Porn actress stoned to death in Iran prison

Tehran - An Iranian woman convicted of acting in pornographic films has been stoned to death in the prison where she has been held for the last eight years, a newspaper reported on Monday.

The unnamed 35-year-old was buried in a pit and pelted with stones until she died in the centre of Tehran's Evin prison, the Entekhab paper said, adding that she had been tracked down after an intensive police search.

It said investigators only succeeded in finding her after they noticed the serial number of an electricity meter that was in the background of a scene in one of her films.

She denied being the woman on screen but police found several witnesses who testified she was indeed the X-rated actress.

Convicted of adultery and 'corruption on earth'
The woman was sentenced to death after being convicted of adultery and "corruption on earth", a verdict which was upheld by the supreme court, the paper said.

Under Iran's Islamic law, adultery and corruption on earth are punishable by death.

Men sentenced to stoning are buried up to their necks, and women up to their armpits, but according to Islamic tradition they are acquitted if they succeed in pulling themselves free during the stoning.

The paper did not say when the woman was executed. - Sapa-AFP

 Published on the Web by IOL on 2001-05-21 13:23:01

Wow!  I was literally shaking when I read this report!  I just wept for this precious woman.  And I thought of how Jesus treated the woman caught in adultry compared to how Islam treated this woman.....Jesus thought she had worth and gave her back her life.  Do you remember the story?  It is in John Chapter 8,
Now early in the morning He came again into the

temple, and all the people came to Him; and He sat down and taught them.

 Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst,  they said to Him, "Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?" This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.
 So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, "He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first."  And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.  When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, "Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?"

She said, "No one, Lord."
And Jesus said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more."
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, "I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."

This story makes me cry, each time I read it.  How kind is our God!  So gentle and kind, especially to the guilty.  This woman was dragged naked in a crowd of angry men to what she believed was her death....she was humiliated, shamed before the entire church going community.  Exposed....dragged  in front of a religious man to have her death sentence spoken... It must have been horrible and terrifying.  How scared she must have been, and how totally hopeless. 

Here, in front of the temple (the same as a church to us) where the Rabbi was teaching God's word, she was paraded for judgment.  Every eye was on her, there was nowhere to look for mercy, every face held contempt and judgment for her. 

Yet, at this point of shame and degradation she encounters Jesus.  She stands in the midst of the temple, feeling the eyes of everyone upon her, waiting for the final sentence to be pronouced ... then she will be dragged  outside of town and stoned to death, a vicious, painful and bloody death.  She waits, her heart pounding, face flushed with shame and fear and terror; fighting for control. 

Then He speaks. 

 Without looking at her, Jesus looks at the mob calling for her blood, demanding that He condemn her! As the crowd waits, Jesus speaks  "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone.."  And one by one the men walked away...leaving her alone with Jesus...who lovingly tells her neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.  He was so totally outragous, loving her and setting her free, saving her from death....and she never asked for mercy, He just poured it out all over her! 

Right there, you get a glimpes of what Jesus is planning to do on your behalf.  He came not to condemn us but to set us free from all the mistakes, bad choices, He came to give you life.. 

This same God, who loves prostitutes and porn performers, who gives the blind back their sight and helps the weak and hopeless, is waiting to speak freedom into your life. He has called you out of the bondage you live in, into the light of his presence.  If you are tired of the way things are, we would love to help you meet this wonderful God and to help you find your way out of the darkness and into the new life God has for you....

Email us at: Party4Him@gmail.com

Much Love!

Carolemarie, former xxxgirl