These are the words and story of someone who knows her God.  Has walked with Him.  And life can still be hard.  You know sometimes we forget that.  For some unknown reason lots of church people paint the picture like "once you know God and become a christian everything will be perfect"......NOT!  I don't know why people try to sell christianity like that.  Like God needs a marketing program anyway.  He is really so much bigger than that. 

Anyway....I want you to hear the words of someone who is in a relationship with her God and still having a ruff day.  Let's be honest we all hit bumps in the road even when we are traveling down it with God.

This is her & her words.

Immature Love

I miss the simple times in life. I don't know what to do anymore. Everything is coming up at me and I'm having to make responsible decisions and I don't want to anymore but life doesn't stop and if I stop I'll just roll back down the hill. I know I am doing things out of my own strength but to lean back into everlasting arms is scary. I need to do the trust fall but do I trust Him? Yes and no. I have deep desires that won't be fulfilled for some time. I don't like being in a wilderness season. It's hard. I need to be faithful but I can't do it in my own strength. I love my King but why do I fight against Him? If i just had a full child-like heart it'd be easier but it's something I'm not operating in at the moment. What happened to how disney portrayed everything. Life isn't easy and being a Christian is no where near easy. Picking up your cross isn't easy and not always fun. It is a lot of the times but sometimes it's not. Especially when He withdraws His immediate feel good presence and He asks you to follow Him without it. I want to fall back in His arms I really do. I forget that He really does know me and I don't have to try to be something I'm not around Him. He gets me. Life is so hard right now and I feel as though I'm doing it all by myself. I can't hear His words of encouragment and to encourage myself is so hard. I so badly want to be a little girl forever. To stop time and dance on His feet once again. Those are the most precious times that I miss. Jesus be with me. Let me hear your voice again. Just to say you're doing a good job. That you love me through it all. That my immature love is enough. I don't have to be perfect and I'm not and never will be and that's ok. I'm weak...and so broken. My burden is heavy and I don't understand how Your's is light. What am I going to do? I can't put a smile on anymore but I don't know what else to do. I don't know how to do anything else and I don't know how to explain anything. All I know to do is to just sit. If I could only sit and be still to know that You are God. I wish my love was perfect. Thank you that I don't have to earn Your love despite how I think I should in my pride. That you love me. You really love me somehow. I want all the babblings of teachings to go out of my head for one moment and I just want to sit in Your presence and feel you wash over me. I know I can...if I search you. To sit in my Daddy's lap and to just look in Your eyes. Those eyes that are full of flames of jealousy for me and me alone. That I would fulfill the void in Your heart that is just for me. I want you I really do. I'm here searching no matter how I actually feel. Your presence is around me despite what I feel. I want the reality of Your love engrained in my heart. Nothing else really matters because all will fall into place as long as I'm loving You. Teach me to love you Father. Open the eyes of my heart and show me that You love me in my immature love...